The Lesser of Two Evils
It is past 9pm, it is dark, cold, and bucketing with rain. I’ve got at least 40 minutes of running in front of me, and all I want to do is turn around, go home, and get warm and dry. But I’m not going to, because this isn’t about me.
A couple of months ago, I logged off Facebook and deleted the app from my phone in disgust at the organisation’s ethics and behaviour. The corruption, the abuse of users’ data, and (the final straw) the appalling treatment of moderators offended my moral sensibilities too deeply to want to be a part of that machine any longer. But this isn’t about me.
I met Jayne nearly 15 years ago. I was a bit intimidated by her at the time — I was in an interview for a new job, having decided that my current work environment was just too toxic for me. My confidence had taken a battering over the previous year or so, but I had beaten down my impostor syndrome long enough to send my CV off to a few places. Clearly, she saw something in me that I couldn’t see myself, because after a second interview, and much to my surprise, she offered me the role. But this still isn’t about me.
Skipping forward a number of years, and after a lot of twists and turns of fate, organisational changes and more than a few ups and downs, Jayne ended up on my team. We both went through a lot during that time, inside and outside of work. I wasn’t always the manager she needed me to be, but somehow we always worked our way through the difficult times, and found a place of mutual respect, understanding and even friendship.
Last May, Jayne and I ran a local 10k race with a team of our colleagues, to raise money for Neuroblastoma UK (our company’s chosen charity — one of our co-workers’ children was undergoing treatment at the time). Neither of us were regular runners, and training for the event in a short space of time wasn’t easy — but between us we raised hundreds of pounds for the charity. With her characteristic disregard for looking ridiculous, Jayne bought us unicorn headbands to wear on the day, and with her trademark tenacity and determination, she completed the 10k in blistering heat, making friends with a total stranger on the way round.
When a routine mammogram last autumn led to a follow-up investigation, both Jayne and I expected it to be nothing much — a few pre-cancerous cells that needed blasting with a dose of radiotherapy, maybe. We didn’t see her diagnosis coming, but suddenly there it was — Jayne had breast cancer.
Anyone who has seen a friend or family member undergo chemotherapy will know how utterly debilitating the treatment is, and yet Jayne met it head-on, just like I’ve seen her do with every obstacle that has ever got in her way. She completed her last round of chemo a few weeks ago, but still has surgery and further treatment ahead of her. There are mountains still to climb.
Since her diagnosis, Jayne has had fantastic support from the NHS and a number of charities, including Breast Cancer Haven. This charity offers vital one-to-one emotional, physical and practical support to anyone affected by breast cancer; they have played a key role in helping Jayne through the toughest time of her life, and will continue to for some time yet.
Jayne can’t run the 10k this year, but there will be a team of us running again, this time to raise money for Breast Cancer Haven. It feels like the least we can do.
I would love to raise as much money for Breast Cancer Haven as we did for Neuroblastoma UK. The more people who chip in, even a small amount, the more people going through the worst time of their life will receive the help they need to keep going. The more people I can reach and tell this story to, the better chance I have of doing that — and one of the best ways I can reach people is through Facebook.
Facebook is awful in many ways, but ultimately it provides a tool — and tools can be used to destroy, or to build. Right now, using that tool feels like the lesser of two evils — because this is not about me.
If you are able to sponsor me as I run/walk/jog/limp/crawl around the Simplyhealth Great Birmingham 10k on Sunday 26th May, it would mean the world to me, Jayne and many more people undergoing treatment for breast cancer.
My JustGiving page is here: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/nik-knight-10k
Thank you.
